communists in situ

leberwurst proletariat

Tag: Chelm

Contradiction

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Sometimes people ask us, when will the communists in situ do something political? When will they finish the film on Brazil? When will they bless us with their final analysis on the leberwurst mode of production? When will they unify the fragments of the proletariat into a new technoparty that can actually overthrow boredom? We can only answer with the following story:

A man in Chelm once thought up a riddle that nobody could answer: “What’s purple, hangs on the wall, and whistles?”
When everybody gave up, he announced the answer: a white fish.
“A white fish?” people said. “A white fish isn’t purple.”
“Nu,” replied the jokester, “this white fish was painted purple.”
“But hanging on a wall? Who ever heard of a white fish that hung on a wall?”
“Aha! But this white fish was hung on the wall.”
“But a white fish doesn’t whistle,” somebody shouted.
“Nu, so it doesn’t whistle.”

Dialectics

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Two schlemiels from Chelm went for a walk.
The first one said, “Look! Bear tracks!”
The second one disagreed, “No, those are deer tracks!”
They were still arguing about it when they were hit by a train.

Schlemiel

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This schlemiel from Chełm gets to work and he’s almost half an hour late. “You should of been here at 8:30,” growls the foreman. “Why?” says the schlemiel. “What happened at 8:30?”

Historical Materialism

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A young woman living in the town of Chełm had a very strange occurrence. One morning, after buttering a piece of bread she accidentally dropped it on the floor. To her amazement, it fell buttered side up.

As everyone knows, whenever a buttered piece of bread is dropped on the floor, it always falls buttered side down; this is like a law of physics. But on this occasion it had fallen buttered side up, and this was a great mystery which had to be solved. So all the Rabbis and elders and wise men of Chełm were summoned together and they spent three days in the synagogue fasting and praying and debating this marvelous event among themselves. After those three days they returned to the young woman with this answer:

“Madam, the problem is that you have buttered the wrong side of the bread.”

Worries

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The wise men of Chelm got together one night to try to solve the problem of life.”What is the problem of life?” they asked, and the more they thought about it the more they knew that the problem of life is that everyone has worries. If people didn’t have any worries, they reasoned then, then life would be easy. So the question remained, how to make an end of worries?

Well they thought, why not hire somebody to do all the worrying so everyone else can have it easy? It would be a tough job, but they would pay the man well to make up for it. So they all agreed to chip in to pay someone 50 rubles a month to do all the town’s worrying for them. Everyone was happy with this decision until someone points out the flaw. “Tell me,” said one of the rabbis, the wisest of them all. “If the man is making 50 rubles a month, what has he got to worry about?”

Questions and Answers

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Some people frequently ask us: Who are the Communists in Situ? How can I join you? What is the meaning of the leberwurst proletariat?  What’s the relation between the Comintern and the Cominsitu? What’s your political program? Sind Sie Deutsche? Amerikaner? Warum schreibst du in verschiedenen Sprachen?Who are the League of Rootless Cosmopolitans? What’s the point of this blog? Why the dolphins?

In response, we can only answer with a story.

Two men of Chelm went out for a walk, when suddenly it began to rain.
“Quick,” said one. “Open your umbrella.”
“It won’t help,” said his friend. “My umbrella is full of holes.”
“Then why did you bring it?”
“I didn’t think it would rain!”